Failure to Excommunicate
by Corrupted Glory
Summary: .
1. Whats Wrong Now?

**I do not own Gilmore girls or any thing on it.**

(OPENS IN RORY"S ROOM)

(Rory unfolds a note…and reads)

Rory,

I can't stand this any more. Come meet me by the bridge. I need to talk to you. It won't take long but, its important. Did you read the book I gave you? I wrote in the margins.

-Jess

(Yes I did , smiles then folds the note, and put it in her pocket. Then walks to Lorelai's room)

RORY: Mom? (shakes Lorelai to wake her up)

LORELAI: wha-what? (stretches arms)

RORY: I'm gonna run over to Luke's I have a lot to do today. So I might not be back until later.

LORELAI: Yeah ok…(not thinking)…you go do what you need to do, and wake me up when its time for a bath……

RORY: Ok, mom. (says sarcastically as she walks out of Lorelai's room)

(CUT TO LUKE"S DINER)

(Bells on the door jingle.)

LUKE: Coffee?

RORY: You know me too well. Luke.

LUKE: Quite an early start to day. Huh?

RORY: Yep, I have to talk to someone today.

LUKE: Danish? (Points to a plate full of food.)

RORY: To go. Thanks Luke.

LUKE: Yep.

(Rory stands up and starts to walk towards the door.)

RORY: Bye Luke.

LUKE: Come around later. I'm trying my new "build a burger" see if you like it.

RORY: Ok…(walks out the door)

(CUTS TO THE BRIDGE)

(Rory runs to the bridge and sees Jess sitting their throwing flower petals in the water.)

RORY: Back to the old she loves me she loves me not huh?

JESS: You got my note…good I need to talk to you. (stands up)

RORY: Yeah what if I didn't get your note? Where you just going to sit here all day? And wait…

JESS: Actually I think tying it to your finger was good enough for me.

RORY: Yeah about that how did you get in my house.

(both sit back down)

JESS: The door was open, I let myself in.

RORY: Ok…(looks at the note in her hand)...so what did you want to talk to me about?

JESS: Oh yes, about that. Don't get mad at me. I could lie to anyone, except I find it extremely hard to lie to you…..

RORY: What did you do? (says in a low voice)

JESS: Rory, remember the bid a basket picnic we had?

RORY: Yes, wasn't that fun? (says sarcastically)

JESS: Well, I…I…well you…

RORY: Come on spit it out.

JESS: Ok, your bracelet thing came off. I found it and I took it, now please don't talk just listen….Then I put it in your room.

RORY: You watched me go through all of that and, you had it all along?(gets angry)

JESS: Yes, well...quite frankly I don't think that you and Dean should be together.

RORY: Well, thats really not up to you. but who should I be together with then?

JESS: You know I should go.(stands up)

(Rory grabs Jess's arm)

RORY: Wait!

JESS: I can't, I need to go.

RORY: yeah ok…

JESS: Come by the diner later.

RORY: I'll try but don't count on it.

JESS: You do that.

(both walk away in different directions)

(Rory walks back towards her house, sees Lorelai walking out)

RORY: I see your still waking up.

LORELAI: No, I had to take cold medicine. And It hasn't warn off yet.

RORY: Oh, hey mom Dean is gonna try to get away from his grandma so I'm gonna go try to see him. I'll be back later.

LORELAI: Huh, interesting.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Nothing its just the perfect time for Dean to get you all by himself because I'm sure his grandma can hardly see -Smart thinking my friend.

RORY: You need to start napping in the afternoons, mom. I have to go Bye.

LORELAI: Bye Ror.

RORY: Bye mom.

(CUTS TO RORY KNOCKING ON DEAN"S GRANDMOTHER'S DOOR)

(Door opens)

RORY: Hi, is Dean here?

GRANDMOTHER: Yes, come on in Laura.

RORY: Laura? (thinks to herself)

GRANDMOTHER: Would you like some tea?

RORY: Um…that's ok I won't be staying long.

GRANDMOTHER: Ok I'll go get Dean.

RORY: Thank you.

(Yells up the stairs Dean wake up Laura is here.)

RORY: Um…my name is Rory.

GRANDMOTHER: Non-since Laura the bathroom is right around the corner.

RORY: You no what I'm gonna get going you can tell Dean that Laura left. Thanks.

GRANDMOTHER: Goodbye Laura.

(Dean comes down the stairs)

DEAN: Good morning grams. Did you say Laura was here?

GRANDMOTHER: She left.

DEAN: Oh…ok. Hey, can you pass the eggs?

(Passes eggs across the table)

(CUTS TO LUKE'S DINER)

LUKE: Back so soon. Come for a re-fill?

RORY: No actually to see Jess. Have you seen him?

LUKE: No he said he was going to fix a problem.

RORY: Oh…ok when?

LUKE: About, 3 hrs ago.

RORY: That's weird, thanks Luke.

( Rory walks out and runs back to the bridge, only to find…….)

**Ok this was my 1st fic. Its still a work in progress. Sorry that its so short. I'm working on it though. Read and Review. Oh yea I need a someone I can send my stories to and they can give me there insight. If u have any Idea e-mail me thanks a ton.**


	2. Too Wierd for Stars Hollow

Previously on Gilmore Girls 

Rory walks out, and runs to the bridge only to find…Taylor talking to himself.

TAYLOR: We loves him.

TAYLOR: Rune ares hunny bunny.

(Rory walks over and asks who he's talking to.)

TAYLOR: Rolyat...

RORY: Rolyat?

TAYLOR: Rune ares masters.

ROLYAT: (With an evil expression) We wants him. We him. Must... have... the preciouss Rune. They stole him from us. Sneaky little munchkins, Wicked, tricksy, false.

Taylor : (Sweetly) No. Not master Rune.

Rolyat : Yes, precious Rune. False! They will cheat you, hurt you, lie.

Taylor : Master Rune's my friend.

Rolyat : You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you.

Taylor : (Covering his ears.) Not listening. I'm not listening.

Rolyat : You're a liar, and a thief.

Taylor : No.

Rolyat : Mur-der-er.

Taylor : Go away.

Rolyat : Go away?!? (Laughs manically.)

Taylor : I hate you. I hate you.

Rolyat : Where would you be without me? Rolyat , Rolyat . I saved us. It was me. We survived because of me.

Taylor : Not... anymore. (Sits up.)

Rolyat : What did you say?

Taylor : Master Rune looks after us now. We don't need you.

Rolyat : What?

Taylor : Leave now, and never come back.

Rolyat : Nooo!

Taylor : Leave now, and never come back.

Rolyat : (Snarls.)

Taylor: LEAVE now, and NEVER come BACK!

(Rory pushes Taylor/Rolyat in the pond.)

Taylor: No my Rune don't kill my Rune.

Rory: Stop it Taylor…Rolyat whatever your name is. You need help.

(Rory runs to get help)

CUTS TO LUKE'S DINER

Rory: Luke! Get Help Taylor's insane.

Luke: What?

Rory: I'll tell you the rest later. Just call the institution.

Luke: Ok, go make sure he doesn't leave.

CUT TO THE BRIDGE

Rory: Taylor!

Rolyat: We muss kill them the munchkins.

Taylor: Get away munchkin. And your little Jess too.

(Pushes Rory away.)

Rory: You need help Taylor.

(Luke runs up.)

Luke: I closed the diner.

(Institution van pulled up.)

Man: Get him in here.

Rolyat: Nooooo!

CUT TO THE INSTITUTION

(Dean walks in)

Dean: I got here as soon as I could. Is Taylor ok?

Women: Taylor…Taylor room 13 to the left. (looks at the list)

Dean: thank you.

(knocks on door)

Taylor: Come in. no…where's the Rune?

Dean: Um…I'm supposed to come here and get the work schedule.

Taylor: Go…under the table.

Rolyat: Go!!!!!!!!!

(Dean runs out the door and to his grandmothers)

CUT TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

Dean: Laurence I mean Laura.

Laura (says in a deep voice): Yeah?

Dean: Did it hurt?

Laura: what hurt?

(Rory walks in)

**This is the end of the 2nd chapter. Read and review.**


	3. The Wierd get Weirder

Chapter 3

TAKES PLACE IN GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

Dean: Oh, hi Rory.

Rory:Hi. Who is this? (looks at Laura.)

Dean: She's my ex-girlfriend. Didn't I tell you before? She's staying the night she got evicted from her apartment.

Rory: Really?

Dean: Yes, I swear I told you. (looks up)

Rory: You didn't. Your lying Dean I can tell.

Dean: Rory…

Rory: You know what? This has to end Dean, I have to go.

(Rory walks out, crying. Dean follows her out the door.)

Dean: Rory, what's the matter with you?

Rory: Dean, I can't…we need to spend time away from each other. I need to go.

Dean(yells to Rory.): Rory!!

(Rory runs away.)

CUT TO LUKE'S DINER

Luke: Coffee?

Rory: Yes…

Luke: How'd I guess?…Bad day?

Rory: I can't talk about it.

(She grabs coffee, then she walks out.)

Rory(yells): Thanks Luke.

Luke: Yep.

CUTS TO BRIDGE

(Rory sits down and drinks coffee.)

Rory (says to herself quietly.) What's happening? I can't deal with this. Ugh!

(Jess walks up behind her.)

Jess: Rory…

Rory(yells): What?…Oh, it's you.

Jess: Yeah I don't see anyone else around here.

(they both smile.)

Rory: Jess? What's happening?

Jess: To me?

Rory: Everyone…I just broke up with Dean, Taylor is suddenly crazy, but you…You are there. Jess, (kisses him)

Rory: Um… I just remembered I have to pick up something.

Jess: Pick up what?

Rory: I gotta go Jess.

Jess: Wait!

Rory: What?

Jess: Are things really over with Dean?

Rory: Yes, things are really over.

Jess: Good.

Rory: Huh?

Jess: Rory…you wanna go out sometime?

Rory: Like on a date?

Jess: Yeah, sure why not?

Rory: Yeah I'd like that.

CUT TO CHILTON

(Rory sees Deans as she walks out side.)

Rory: Dean what are you doing here?

Dean: I need to talk to Tristan.

Rory: Dean, what are you doing? Don't cause a problem please.

Dean: Rory stop trying to tell me what to do.

Rory: Dean., I don't wan you here.

Dean: I don't care.

(Rory runs away. Dean spots Tristan.)

Tristan: Look, what the cat dragged in.

Dean: You can shut up now, Rory, and I aren't going out anymore.

Tristan (says deviously.): Really?

Dean: Yes, but she's going out with Jess.

Dean: When need to break them up.

Tristan: The bag boy has an idea. Alex I think we have a winner. Ding, Ding ,Ding.

Dean: Shut up…ok here's my plan….


	4. Look! Random houses are falling from the...

Chapter 4

DEAN: Ok, Here it is we will, kidnap jess and tape him to a chair in an abandon ship.

TRISTAN: Nah.

DEAN: Ok, then we could always just tie him in a potato sack and feed him to rabid lions.

TRISTAN: Nah.

DEAN: Ok, do you have a better idea then?

TRISTAN: Nah.

DEAN: Ok I am leaving because I hate people that smell like radishes. And you sir you smell like radishes.

TRISTAN: Nah.

CUTS TO RORY"S HOUSE 

DEAN: Rory.

RORY: What dean?

DEAN: I did not lie, I sware.

RORY: Yes you did you said that you don't have a sister and you do.

DEAN: Ok I'll tell you the truth…My sister Laura got a sex change she used to be a fat blind man.

RORY: Really?

DEAN: Yes.

RORY: I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

DEAN: so were back together?

RORY: No.

DEAN: K, Bye.

RORY: Wait dean!

DEAN: Will you marry me?

RORY: Sure!

DEAN: Really?

RORY: No

DEAN: K, bye

CUTS TO INSTUTUION 

TAYLOR: Dean get back under the table…GO!

DEAN: Ok.

TAYLOR: Dean get back out from under the table…GO!

DEAN: Ok.

TAYLOR: Dean get back under the table…GO!

DEAN: Ok.

TAYLOR: Dean get back out from under the table…GO!

DEAN: Ok

TAYLOR: Dean get back under the table…GO!

TAYLOR: Kaboozam!

DEAN: NOOOO!

TAYLOR: Look up at the sky Dean.

DEAN: Ok.

Looks up and a house falls on his head.

DEAN: Yes…I mean no! Tell Rory I love Jess.

Taylor walks over, to find Dean where red high heels.

TAYLOR: Dean I did not think red was your color.

Taylor takes the shoes and puts them on…a moment later he is dancing in the sun with Rolyat.

DEAN'S GRANMOTHER'S HOUSE 

LAURA: Grammy where's mom?

GRANDMOTHER: I'm sorry to say but she died.

LAURENCE: She did?

GRANDMOTHER: Yes I am sorry.

LAURA: Yes did you kill her?

GRANDMOTHER: No, random houses are falling from the sky and he just happened to be in one. If its any consolation Dean died too…lets go eat cake.

LAURA: Ok.

Nibbles a piece of cake.

GRANDMOTHER: Oh no! I forgot I am diabetic. Good-bye Laura I just had a heart attack.

CUT TO CLOUD 

RORY: Is this what you call going out sometime?

JESS: Sure, Hey throw a house over there.

RORY: But that's Ms Patty.

JESS: Yes, throw it.

RORY: Ok.

JESS: Ok now she, she is most defiantly dead.

They look down.

JESS: Hey want to go to Luke's diner and grab a piece of pie?

RORY: Sure just after I finish this dope.

JESS: Can I have some?

RORY: No, drugs are bad for growing boys…they shrink your feet and small feet, you know what that means..

JESS: Yes I do, but do you know but dope does to girls?

RORY: No, actually I should stop too.

JESS: I was lying nothing happens to girl except a few fried brain cells.

RORY: No I should stop because I am...pulls off face. I am a –

Jess falls from the cloud and Rory runs after him, and saves his life… they land at Chilton.

Rory sees Tristan and puts face back on.

RORY: Hello Tristan.

TRISTAN: Nah.

RORY: Nah?

TRISTAN: Nah.

RORY: Ok, Dean died just so you know.

TRISTAN: Nah.

RORY: Do you want some pie? We were going to get some.

TRISTAN: Nah.

RORY: Why not hungry?

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: OH Tristan I love your hair. Where did you get it done?

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: I have to go there sometime.

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: The color is just beautiful.

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: Yes, it is.

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: Yes, it is.

TRISTAN: Nah.

JESS: Yes, it is.

TRISTAN: Nah

JESS: Yes, it is.

TRISTAN: Nah

JESS: Want to come to my house, to have a barbeque?

TRISTAN: Nah.

Tristan starts randomly stripping off his clothes.

JESS: Man, I do like your hair but I am not gay. Although, I do have a thing for homosexual pipe smoking sweetish midgets.

RORY: Well, Jess look at that he is a homosexual pipe smoking sweetish midget.

JESS: What a coincidence.

Laura walks over to meet them all.

LAURA: Whoa who's that short stud muffin?

JESS: A homosexual pipe smoking sweetish midget.

LAURA: Really?

TRISTAN: Nah.

Laura grabs his hand and they go jump in the lake.

LAURA: No! I cannot swim my implants are too heavy.

TRISTAN: Nah.

Laura and Tristan sink to the bottom.

CUTS TO Barbeque

JESS: Hello. Lorelai.

LORELAI: Jess.

LUKE: Will you marry me?

LORELAI: Sure.

LUKE: Ok.

LORELAI: Go sit on my eggs.

LUKE: Ok Popsicle.

LORELAI: Don't call me Popsicle.

LUKE: Ok, sorry.

LORELAI: Here is another egg.

LUKE: I don't think my butt is that big.

SOOKIE: Yes it is.

Sookie pinches his butts and runs off.


	5. MultiPurpose Labels

(Cuts to house where Dean got smashed)

DEAN: I'm Back. (in scary Chucky from Childs Play like voice)

(Dean sits)

DEAN: I need a plan.

KIRK (Rides past on tricycle and points upwards towards the heavens): I hate peas.

DEAN: Upside yo head!

Kirk: What are you planning Dean?

Dean: I need my shoes...Taylor took my shoes!

Kirk: Why is the sky blue?

Dean: Because you touch yourself at night.

Kirk: Oh.

Dean: I need your help...help me get my shoes!

Kirk: I hate peas!

Dean: Great, let's get started.

CUT TO BARBECUE

(Dean and Kirk are hiding in a small blueberry bush.)

Dean: Okay, let's finish this here Mary Jane and then we can get me shoes back.

Kirk: I hate peas.

Dean: Okay now, remember to be sneaky because Taylor is the Radish King!

(Kirk does a summersault and rolls into the barbecue in a black dress suit.)

Lorelai: I'd like you to meet my investor, he keeps me up to date on all the stock brokerage.

Taylor: Wipe my shiny little-

Lorelai: Taylor! Not in front of my kids!

Taylor: What? I was going to say head...

KIRK: MY PLAN IS SUCCESSFUL! Boo YA! I said, Boo ya! Boo ya!

Dean: Quick, engage plan B.228 of our evil, evil plan. Yes, I repeated it for emphasis...(in scary Chucky from Childs Play like voice)...EMPHASIS!

Dean: HURRY GET THE SHOES!

Kirk: Ok Boss.

Dean: No! Not that!

(Kirk grabs the fire hose!)

Dean: NOOOO!

(Dean Runs away because he is trying to get the radish killing spray off of him.)

Dean: I hate RADISHES!

((Cuts To Institution))

Dean: Taylor I am fed up with you!...Grandma! Yes..grandma. You took my steak knife and wouldn't give it back! I hate you apple head!

(Dean walks up to Taylor, and pokes him.)

Taylor: You meany!

(Taylor pokes Dean back)

Dean: Ahh! I am leaving, but first-

(Rune walks into the institution.)

Dean: Hey, Taylor, do you wear thongs?

(Taylor jumps and starts yelling in a high-pitched voice.)

Dean: After all this work! I will never see my shoes again! NOOO!

Dean: Taylor? Can I have my shoes?

(Taylor tosses Dean's shoes in the air!)

Dean: Hahahahaha! I got them! (Dean grabs his red high heels and runs out!)

CUTS TO BARBEQUE

Dean: I got them!

(Dean starts to dance in the sun)

Dean: NOO!

(Dean falls as he is running, onto the barbeque)

Dean: I am melting...

(Everyone but Dean suddenly appears.)

All: Joy to the world, for Dean is Dead!

(Everyone starts randomly stripping off their clothes.)

Jess: We barbequed his head!

Laura: Homosexual pipe smoking sweetish midgets...Stud Muffins!

Rory: Don't worry about the body.

Lorelai: We flushed it down the potty.

Luke: Around and around it goes.

All: Around and around it goes.

Tristan: A-roun-hahhahahaha-around it goes.

Kirk: I hate peas...!

DEAN: I'm Back. (In scary Chucky from Childs Play like voice)

THE END!


End file.
